Missed Call
Just the sound of his voice can quite the area of my heart that misses him so much it hurts but almost in that same moment it can break my heart into a million pieces. Al accidentally called my phone today. I was already having a shitty day! I looked down at my phone and saw I had a missed call. I really didn't think it would be him but it was and it thew me off kilt seeing their number. Sadly two thoughts come to mind when I see their number. First thought is: Is he OK, is he hurt, is he dead? Second thought is: What does he want from me, ride, money? I take a deeeep breath and I immediately called him back. He told me he was at work and said "I'm so sorry mom I butt dialed you". He had that awkward giggle... you know, when your in a room with people and you can't really talk. I just polity said "Oh... OK" It was like someone knocked the wind out of my sail. I'm not sure what expected? But I stayed focused on his voice trying meter his tone, trying to hear what was in the background. I'm a little OCD, ya think? I said to him " Well if that's all I get is an accidentally butt dial I guess I'll take it" He said to me "that sounds awful the way you put it." "I'm sorry mom... but I'm OK? Doing OK! Hang in there mom... I love you". I said... "I love you too son, good bye".
As I hung up the phone the sounds of the office turn back up to full volume, it was like everything paused for those few minutes. As the world around me resumes to it's full speed it sinks in. I sat at my desk and tried not to cry!! After a few minutes of fighting back my emotions I composed myself enough to get up and walk to my friends desk. I tell her what happened, I broke down and quietly sobbed. I haven't talked to him or heard his voice in what feels like forever and that's all I got? WHAT WAS I EXPECTING? I guess I was hoping for that miracle everyone keeps saying will happen. That phone call saying he's ready for help and he wants to get better. When will I get it though my head there's no easy way out of this!?
As I hung up the phone the sounds of the office turn back up to full volume, it was like everything paused for those few minutes. As the world around me resumes to it's full speed it sinks in. I sat at my desk and tried not to cry!! After a few minutes of fighting back my emotions I composed myself enough to get up and walk to my friends desk. I tell her what happened, I broke down and quietly sobbed. I haven't talked to him or heard his voice in what feels like forever and that's all I got? WHAT WAS I EXPECTING? I guess I was hoping for that miracle everyone keeps saying will happen. That phone call saying he's ready for help and he wants to get better. When will I get it though my head there's no easy way out of this!?
Comments
oh the pain...my son said he had to go, I sobbed and said goodbye; that kind elder man said he understood....I said thank you...oh the pain. I know it will end up killing me....I love reading your posts, thank you.