Conversations

When I drive to and from work the radio is off and all I do is talk to God. I’ve been doing this for two years now. The people driving next to me probably think I’m crazy or a little lonely because there I am all alone in my car talking to myself. (giggle) It’s amazing on how much that helps me, I find my peace in those moments. When Allen was deep into his addiction my talks with God during those drives on the road consist of sadness, fear, anger and remorse. I planned Allen’s funeral and I had to talk to God about it on a daily basis to try and mentally prepare myself. He wasn’t listening or talking to any of us, Allen at that point and time showed no signs of change and I had lost hope. I HAD to come to terms with it in my mind in order to prepare my heart. He was maybe between 115-119 pounds, just withering away. It’s hard to believe that conversation with God was only three months ago. Now my conversations are full of laughter, happiness and humility and hope.

He got his 60 day chip and now he’s working on his 90 day. He moved out of the Pima House (sober living) and moved into an different house in central Phoenix called Casa Milagra another sober living home. I like his new home and I see him growing there! Allen and I are going out to dinner tonight. I LOVE OUR DINNER dates. We explore and pick new places to eat and we have meaningful conversations. We have a lot of catching up to do and getting to know him all over again warms my heart. I’m finding he didn’t lose too much of himself, that beautiful heart and personality are still same… full of love and life.

His 22nd birthday just past. It was a beautiful sunny day. The air was warm and soothing outside. He looks so different now compared to a year ago. I’m in love with our life these days, I’m enjoying one moment at a time. Taking my little victories as they come. So as for today, as for right now I’m celebrating!! Thank you God!

Things are so much more different now. So many things have changed. Allen’s determination is evident. His addiction is teaching us to be companionate, understanding, forgiving and patient.