Monday, December 28, 2015

A Library For Mariah

Well I have some exciting news! I've been in communication with crossroads flower and they have given me approval to build a library in honor of Mariah. I'm so excited!! Mariah was an avid reader, she LOVED books. I'm going to make it my life mission to make this library full of amazing books for these women in recovery. Maybe some day I can build liberties on other recovery centers, wouldn't that be amazing.

If you have books you would like to donate please contact me! I will make arrangements to get them from you! My email:


Friday, December 18, 2015

Just Keep Moving

Just keep moving don’t get stuck there; that’s what Allen told me. “It’s ok to be mad, it’s ok to be sad and to morn; just don’t get stuck there. We have to find the strength to pull ourselves out of despair and start new sometimes. Don’t be afraid of change, we HAVE to be adaptable to change and to consistently take inventory of our self. Take time to pray and to meditate. Find your serenity, LET GO AND LET GOD and focus on one day at a time.” – Allen

He amazes me every time I see him. He now gives me advise and comforts ME. He knew I was having a hard time with Mariah’s death. I try not to show it when I’m with him because I want to be strong for him but he knows me all too well. It’s been six weeks since her death. Our hearts are still broken but now we can at least talk about her without breaking down. I can tell Allen is trying so hard to sort through his emotions, he has so many memories that are good and bad and a ton of regrets. His mind is so cluttered with all his thoughts from his past that he gets a little lost in there but thankfully he has some really good mentors he can call and talk to. Come to find out he’s a lot stronger and more put together than I realized. He has had so much support where he’s at. After her death his sober community all gathered around him and poured nothing but love and hope into him on a consistent basis even to this day. I LOVE THOSE PEOPLE! Recovering addicts and families of addicts are the most compassionate people I’ve ever met. I think it’s because they have been through hell and back, been judged and discarded. They understand all about the realities of life and how unpleasant it can be. And they understand all too well about loss.

On December 14th Allen started NEW. He registered for school and is now attending Arizona College studding to be a medical assistant. His long term goals are to further is education to be a Nurse Practitioner and eventually work at a recovery treatment center. I give all glory to GOD!

Taken in school 12/16/2015!

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

It's Time

I decided to do something to make amends to Mariah. I decided to start spreading hope and awareness on drug addiction and suicide in honor of her. It’s healing in a way. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to cope with, drug addiction, suicide… death. (Heavy sign) You know… I thought I knew what I was dealing with, I thought I was prepared. I thought I researched it all. Read books, searched the internet and read dozens of websites and blogs and talked to professionals but nothing can or will prepare you for that day when you lose the battle. The truth is nothing will prepare you for this kind of outcome. NOTHING! Her suicide has left me with so many questions. DRUG ADDICTION, OVERDOSE… SUICIDE and DEATH, it’s too complex to try and fully understand.

I’ve been taking it easy on myself lately. I try and not dwell on the “I should’ve” instead I’m focusing on the “I can”. I can spread awareness and I can start a blog and write about her life as I know it. I can be a kinder and more forgiving person, and once a month go to Crossroads for woman and talk about Mia’s story. I'm sharing the link below. Please share it, it's time we start a conversation about this. I LOVE YOU Mia!