I love the mornings, today as I lay on my couch lounge chair seated by a window it’s 5:13am and I listen to the cars on the freeway down the road driving, it’s a soft whisper. My house is quiet, and the smell coffee lingers in the air. I stretch my legs out and it feels good I have my fur blanket snuggled around me and my little dog at my feet. I feel at peace because not only is my house quiet my world is quiet and at peace. I reveal in the quiet. I close my eyes and I day dream about the future of my family. I can do that now!! It’s been three years since my son touched heroin. And every day he remains sober from heroin my soul heals. His life is still full of ups and downs because of his past but he is handling it and it makes me proud. Sometimes I worry about him relapsing but if you’re a mother of an addict you understand that that fear is always going to be there. The reality of relapse is always around the corner for any addict. So, we live day by day week by week and we take each victory when we get them.
Most mornings as the sun begins to rise I go outside, and I sit in my backyard on my lawn chair underneath the patio and smoke a cigarette and enjoy the beautiful mornings listening to the birds watching hummingbirds fly in and out of my tree thinking of Mariha. I feel her spirt in those hummingbirds! I know she’s at peace, I still miss her so much but I’m able to carry her in my heart without it weighting me down. I’ve done a lot of healing since I’ve been gone. A lot of self-reflection. Although reminiscences of my depression still lingers deep inside me for the most part it’s very small and mellow. I’ve accepted it and have learned to live with it, control it and put it away. I’m ok, truly I’m OK in fact I’m GOOD!!
I love the mornings it’s my favorite part of the day.