My Final Post

I've been living in the moment these day. These moments have been so incredibly peaceful and joyful. I live in peace. (big sigh) I truly can not believe my life is so blessed with abundance. In light of that I have decided to final let go of my fears and the past. I have to move on It's time and it feels right. I truly believe when you heal from trauma you have to let it go and leave it in the past and just walk away. That's not to say you will forget it because this painful experience will forever be burned in my memory. It has been an enlightening experience to say the least and has shaped me into the person I am today and I love the person I have become. He is 9 years clean... NINE YEARS!! (big smile) My sons past addiction has taught me a lot about myself. I have learned to be more compassionate, kinder, accepting and to not be so judgmental. It has taken me a long time to heal, but here I am living proof that God answers prayers. And that your addicted child/relative can recover from addiction, it's possible. I whole heartly give all the glory to God. God saved me and he saved my son.

I don't know all the answers on how to survive something like this. I just know what worked for me. I don't know where you stand with your faith. That's something you have to find on your own. I will admit it was a battle with my faith during that time line. In my head I was asking the obvious question... WHERE IS GOD? Why my son? I was so lost. Prior to that (my son addiction) you could not break my faith. I was a strong advocate of faith. But then my son fell victim to addiction and my whole world shattered. I couldn't understand it... I thought I did everything right. Stay at home mom, brought my boys up in the church. It broke my faith... But God knew my heart and aligned the right people in my path to breath life back into me. I found my faith once again. I prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed some more... I got everyone one I knew to pray with me, literally I did prayer circles at my house in his bedroom multiple times. During all this praying I could feel something inside me growing. Although it took a long time and a lot of tears one day it just happened. He found recovery. And our life change forever. (Deep breath) 

When driving anywhere anymore you always see people on the street corners holding a sign asking for money. I can't help but look at their face and my heart breaks because you can see their addiction, At least I can. I automatically think to myself that's someone's son or daughter. I feel really bad saying this but if they look at me and make eye contact I will give a soft smile and look away. I can't take it... I mumble to myself I'm sorry I'M SO SO SORRY God please help them. Because I know there is nothing else I can do to help them. So I say a silent prayer for them and drive away. (Wipe away my tears)

To all the parents out their currently battling. I send my deepest heartfelt prayers to you and your love one. I get it... I understand the pain and the struggle. I will continue to send you both my prayers always and forever.

I read this bible passage almost everyday. It helped me, I hope it helps you. 


Psalm 91

1. Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
 will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
 my God, in whom I trust.”

3. Surely, he will save you from the fowler’s snare
 and from the deadly pestilence.

4. He will cover you with his feathers,
 and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5. You will not fear the terror of night,
 nor the arrow that flies by day,

6. nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
 nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7. A thousand may fall at your side,
 ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.

8. You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9. If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
and you make the Most High your dwelling,

10. no harm will overtake you,
no disaster will come near your tent.

11. For he will command his angels concerning you
 to guard you in all your ways;

12. they will lift you up in their hands,
so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13. You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14. “Because he[b] loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15. He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble,
I will deliver him and honor him.

16. With long life I will satisfy him
 and show him my salvation.”